Plain talk about college

Until a student and his or her parents start looking closely at the college application process, it’s pretty easy to assume that it’s going to be a cake walk   Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.  Read more »

There was a time when seniors rushed home from school to check their mailboxes for admissions decisions from colleges.  They carefully sorted through the junk mail looking for that hoped for “fat envelope” (acceptance) and dreaded finding a “thin envelope” (denial).  With so many schools posting decisions online or sending them by email, now the news may arrive without that moment of preparation signaled by the girth – or lack thereof – of the envelope.

Electronic media is more stark and sometimes more cruel.  You see, back in the day when you got one of those dreaded thin envelopes, you were home.  You could run to your room and cry or grab a basketball and work out your frustration that way.  Now it’s possible for that denial to be witnessed initially by both you and a cadre of your closest friends who surround you as you check for admissions decisions on your iPhone.  Before you even have a chance to digest the information yourself, you are bombarded by the opinions of everyone in the vicinity.  This once private moment of joy or sorrow has become a very public, and often uncomfortable,  one for many students.

I think you can understand the difficulty of discovering you’ve been denied admission while all your friends look on.  But consider the discomfort of being accepted to a school where your best friend has been denied or having an acceptance to a school you really like be met with a lukewarm response by your friends.  Awkward much?

For all those reasons, I like to recommend that students resist the temptation of checking electronically generated admissions decisions at school or work or anywhere they will not have the time to take in the information by themselves for a little while.  It’s very important to honor your feelings about the news you receive, be it good or bad, so you can move forward authentically rather than putting on an act to satisfy your audience.

Receiving an admissions decision is something you need time to put into perspective.  Whether you’re feeling euphoria or disappointment, you need the chance to begin thinking through what it all means to you before you share the information with others and they start sharing it with others.   You also deserve the chance to tell people in the order you want them to know.  Maybe the first person you’d tell would be that best friend who’s looking over your shoulder, but maybe you’d rather tell someone else first or even need to tell someone personally.  That choice should be yours.

Whatever the news, remember it’s your news.

Nothing sets me off like hearing that a student has been told they have no options other than the community college, technical school, joining the army, etc.  It’s not that these are bad options.  In fact,  for some students these are the wisest choices they can make in order to attain the career they are interested in.  No, what bothers me is when this pronouncement is delivered  to a student, more as a statement of fact than as an opinion, and is based solely on the grades on a high school transcript.

Yes, maybe a student has not done well in high school.  Many of them don’t, you know.  But a student is more than just grades in a class that may have had little meaning to them.  My experience has been that there is often a back story – and sometimes those back stories are compelling.

I have known plenty of kids who would have likely received the dreaded, “Your only option is…” because of their grades – except they had someone in their corner to somehow support them.  These were kids whose back stories included being homeless, living with a mentally ill or alcoholic parent, working evenings to support themselves, having a sibling with cancer or developmental disabilities, dealing with an undiagnosed learning disability, struggling with their own sexual identity, and the list goes on.

Their grades only told part of the story – the part that fits neatly on one sheet of paper.  What those grades missed was the story of resilience and perseverance, of what it takes to get your homework done when it takes you 10 times longer to read an assignment because you’re dyslexic.  They leave out the responsibility that comes with being the one in the house who is solely responsible for preparing meals and getting your younger siblings off to school.  A grading scale can never measure the dedication it takes to sit in a class when you’re constantly wondering if your little sister is still in remission or knowing you will likely be beaten up in the locker room because people think you’re a fag. No, transcripts miss that chapter of the story.

While you may never completely get away from the grades, one of the things I love about colleges is that many of them are willing to listen to that back story as context for the grades on a transcript; to see the potential for leadership and to honor the experiences that may lead these students to become amazing teachers or social workers, artists or doctors.  That is why I firmly believe that, if a student has the drive, determination, and ability, there is a college waiting for them – even if their grades don’t happen to be as stellar as their classmates’.

Everyone has their own ideas on what it takes to get to college.  Some say it’s taking AP courses or getting an IB diploma.  Others say it’s all about GPA and acing the SAT.  Still, there’s community service and leadership to be considered. Oh, and don’t forget the essay!  People spend lots of money on special programs and schools in an effort to improve these things, trying to get an edge on college admissions.

I’m going to tell you a secret – the best college prep is free and it starts long before a student ever sets foot in high school.  It’s called reading.  In my many years in education,  it is the one thing I have seen that consistently sets kids apart from their peers.

Yep, it’s that simple.  Encourage a child to read and you have handed them the best college prep available.  (Even the people at CollegeBoard will tell you that the absolutely best way to prepare for the SAT is to read.)  A kid who reads is exposed to new words and ideas.  They also have a broader experience of how words can be used, which often translates into improving their writing ability.  As a teacher, I could tell which students were avid readers the first time they turned in a written assignment.  The same was true in discussions.  The readers in the class seemed to take the lead by bringing in new ideas and perspectives.  Even now, when a student shows me their standardized test scores, one of the first questions I ask is, “Do you like to read?”  I am rarely surprised by their answer.

The truth is students who like to read tend to do better in AP classes and school in general.  Perhaps that is because their familiarity with the written word gives them an edge when it comes to gleaning information from reading assignments or putting their own ideas into words.  Words on a page are like old, familiar friends to them.  Even though they may not love the piece of literature they’ve been assigned to read, they are not intimidated by it.

The great thing about this best of all college prep tools is that it is free!  In a world where socioeconomic status can make a huge difference in the opportunities available to a student, reading is the great equalizer.  Children who read know they have options; once they know that, all things become possible.

So, if you want to know what to do to make sure your child is prepared for college, take them to the library and teach them that the books there can take them anywhere they want to go – including college.

When I work with students in the Fall as they complete applications and revise essays, they get this look in their eyes like, “Is this EVER going to be over?!?”  That’s my cue to reassure them that they are, indeed, going to be able to hit “submit” very soon.

There’s no doubt that the Fall application sprint is grueling.  Organized students seem to fare a bit better.  Having made a personal “To Do” list, they are able to see clear progress as they check things off as done.  The experience for students who find organization to be just one more chore to be avoided, can be quite different.  Progress for them isn’t always quite as easily seen, resulting in what may seem like a never ending slog to the finish line.

Either way, they usually manage to get things done only to find themselves in what I call “admissions limbo” – a place where all you can do is wait.  There’s no essay to write, no recommendation to get, not even a parent hovering in the hopes of providing a subliminal prod toward the goal.

While this can be a tough place for a student to be, in many ways I think it’s one of the most important parts of the process to do well.  This is a great opportunity to take a good look at what you’ve just accomplished.  You have managed to more or less balance schoolwork,  friends, family, and a highly challenging experience called apply to college.  That’s an accomplishment you should be proud of – and one you should always try to remember.  Take some time to really appreciate what you’ve done.  While you’re at it, take some time to appreciate everyone who helped you do it.

While you wait for the mail to arrive announcing your acceptances, there is something else that deserves your attention – your last months of high school.  It goes without saying that you must keep your grades up, but there is another task to be done as well – preparing to say good-bye.

Whether you have loved or hated high school, it is about to come to an end.  Many people you have seen every day will slip out of your life.  Your relationships with friends will change because you will change.  It’s not something to dread, it’s just something to be aware of as you finish out the year; because the most important thing you need to do right now is to savor the time you have with your friends.  Enjoy them, be kind to them. While you’re at it, try to be kind to everyone.  Use this time of waiting to leave a legacy you can be proud of.