Plain talk about college

Until a student and his or her parents start looking closely at the college application process, it’s pretty easy to assume that it’s going to be a cake walk   Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.  Read more »

The admissions decisions are in, now you need to make the most important decision of all – which college will you choose?

I’m sad to say that far too many students stumble into the pitfall of choosing a college solely because of the school’s name; giving little thought or attention to whether or not that is the best place for them.  Others arbitrarily choose a school because of how it looks or how well a certain team does.  While these are things that are worth considering to some degree, it’s important to remember that these are not the things that students generally point to as the key to their ultimate satisfaction with a school – the reason why they stay at a particular school.

No, I believe most college students are more likely to point to things such as: good relationships with their classmates, positive interaction with faculty members, quality of academics, availability of programs and opportunities in their field of study, and ability to graduate without being too deeply in debt.  Not once in all my years doing this have I had  students in their last year of college say to me. “I loved being at my college because it had ivy covered buildings.”

So before you make that decision, here are some things I hope you will consider when you make your visit (I can’t stress enough how VERY important it is that you visit.) and before your parents write that check confirming your enrollment:

• Did I like the students I met?  Did I feel comfortable around them? Did they seem like people I would have things in common with?
• When I sat in on a class, were the students engaged and participating?
• How did the faculty members treat their students?
• When I toured the campus, was there evidence of student artwork and research?
• When I read the school newspaper, did I find interesting things being discussed and events that sounded like something I would enjoy?
• How strong is the program in the field  I am considering?
• How easy is it to change majors?
• Did I feel safe?
• Could I picture myself there 4 years from now?
• How much debt will I have when I graduate?

There are other things you may need to consider as well, such as the quality of the student support services that are available, so be sure you make a list of things you need to find out about while you’re there.  The important thing is to make an informed decision based on the things that are most likely to help you be succcssful and content at that school.

In the end, you may end up choosing a school that has a famous name, fabulous team, and ivy covered buildings, but you will have the assurance that you chose that school because it truly is the best fit for you.

There was a time when seniors rushed home from school to check their mailboxes for admissions decisions from colleges.  They carefully sorted through the junk mail looking for that hoped for “fat envelope” (acceptance) and dreaded finding a “thin envelope” (denial).  With so many schools posting decisions online or sending them by email, now the news may arrive without that moment of preparation signaled by the girth – or lack thereof – of the envelope.

Electronic media is more stark and sometimes more cruel.  You see, back in the day when you got one of those dreaded thin envelopes, you were home.  You could run to your room and cry or grab a basketball and work out your frustration that way.  Now it’s possible for that denial to be witnessed initially by both you and a cadre of your closest friends who surround you as you check for admissions decisions on your iPhone.  Before you even have a chance to digest the information yourself, you are bombarded by the opinions of everyone in the vicinity.  This once private moment of joy or sorrow has become a very public, and often uncomfortable,  one for many students.

I think you can understand the difficulty of discovering you’ve been denied admission while all your friends look on.  But consider the discomfort of being accepted to a school where your best friend has been denied or having an acceptance to a school you really like be met with a lukewarm response by your friends.  Awkward much?

For all those reasons, I like to recommend that students resist the temptation of checking electronically generated admissions decisions at school or work or anywhere they will not have the time to take in the information by themselves for a little while.  It’s very important to honor your feelings about the news you receive, be it good or bad, so you can move forward authentically rather than putting on an act to satisfy your audience.

Receiving an admissions decision is something you need time to put into perspective.  Whether you’re feeling euphoria or disappointment, you need the chance to begin thinking through what it all means to you before you share the information with others and they start sharing it with others.   You also deserve the chance to tell people in the order you want them to know.  Maybe the first person you’d tell would be that best friend who’s looking over your shoulder, but maybe you’d rather tell someone else first or even need to tell someone personally.  That choice should be yours.

Whatever the news, remember it’s your news.

When I work with students in the Fall as they complete applications and revise essays, they get this look in their eyes like, “Is this EVER going to be over?!?”  That’s my cue to reassure them that they are, indeed, going to be able to hit “submit” very soon.

There’s no doubt that the Fall application sprint is grueling.  Organized students seem to fare a bit better.  Having made a personal “To Do” list, they are able to see clear progress as they check things off as done.  The experience for students who find organization to be just one more chore to be avoided, can be quite different.  Progress for them isn’t always quite as easily seen, resulting in what may seem like a never ending slog to the finish line.

Either way, they usually manage to get things done only to find themselves in what I call “admissions limbo” – a place where all you can do is wait.  There’s no essay to write, no recommendation to get, not even a parent hovering in the hopes of providing a subliminal prod toward the goal.

While this can be a tough place for a student to be, in many ways I think it’s one of the most important parts of the process to do well.  This is a great opportunity to take a good look at what you’ve just accomplished.  You have managed to more or less balance schoolwork,  friends, family, and a highly challenging experience called apply to college.  That’s an accomplishment you should be proud of – and one you should always try to remember.  Take some time to really appreciate what you’ve done.  While you’re at it, take some time to appreciate everyone who helped you do it.

While you wait for the mail to arrive announcing your acceptances, there is something else that deserves your attention – your last months of high school.  It goes without saying that you must keep your grades up, but there is another task to be done as well – preparing to say good-bye.

Whether you have loved or hated high school, it is about to come to an end.  Many people you have seen every day will slip out of your life.  Your relationships with friends will change because you will change.  It’s not something to dread, it’s just something to be aware of as you finish out the year; because the most important thing you need to do right now is to savor the time you have with your friends.  Enjoy them, be kind to them. While you’re at it, try to be kind to everyone.  Use this time of waiting to leave a legacy you can be proud of.